Starting daycare is a major life transition for both young children and their parents. Change, even when it is a positive change can be stressful. In many cases this may be the first time a child is away from the secure and loving arms of their family. Both the child and parents may experience anxiety about starting a daycare experience. Parents want to know that their child will be in a loving and safe environment when the child is not in their direct care. It is not uncommon for parents to feel guilty about placing the child in a daycare program, thus making the farewell more difficult. There are specific measures that parents can take to ease the transition to care and alleviate separation anxiety.
The right timing can help.
We ask that you try and drop your child off when they are not sleepy or hungry. This will help your child be less cranky when you are saying goodbye. Add a little bit of extra time into your day so you can calm your child and say goodbye properly.
Wave bye-bye when you leave.
Instead of fearing the wrath of their toddler, some parents try to sneak out while the child is otherwise engaged. Big mistake. This approach may save you the pain of watching your child cry, but it can actually make their separation anxiety more severe. If your child thinks you might disappear at any given moment without notice, they are not going to let you out of their sight.
Look on the sunny side.
Separation anxiety isn't merely a toddler thing — you may not be thrilled by the prospect of leaving either. But if you let your apprehension show, your child is almost certain to pick up on it. Besides, a dramatic farewell will just validate your child's feelings of insecurity. So try to stay calm and positive — even if your child is hysterical. Talk to them evenly and reassure them that you'll be back soon. To keep the situation light, try adopting a silly parting phrase such as "See you later, alligator" or your own made-up alternative. Getting your child in the habit of responding with "After a while, crocodile" will also help serve as a distraction.
Try a transitional object.
A security object — a blanket, a stuffed animal, or even their very own thumb — can be a source of solace.
Involve them in an activity.
Allow your toddler and their caregiver to get engrossed in an activity before you leave. When the time comes for you to go, give your child a quick kiss and good-bye wave and make a beeline for the door. They may still cry, but the activity can serve as a distraction soon after your departure.
Let them learn to cope.
No parent wants their child to feel any unnecessary sadness, but coping with separation is one of the many stresses your child will have to learn to manage in life. Sometimes doing nothing — especially if you've already tried everything — is the best advice. Learning to cope is an important developmental task and if you know that your child is safe, it's okay to let them cry a bit. In a matter-of-fact voice, reassure them that's everything's okay, then go ahead and do whatever it is you need to do — without feeling guilty.
Some degree of separation anxiety is a sign that the preschooler has developed healthy attachments to loved ones. In many cases, it stops within 3-4 minutes after the parent leaves. We welcome you to watch your child on the TV monitor in our office before you leave or call and check on their welfare if you have concerns.
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